Hi Fellow Bookworms--
Wow! The web site looks great and I have been having fun reading some of the reviews. Glad to hear that there are some other Twilight fans out there.
I hope, amongst your summer reading, that you were able to fit in The Memory Keeper's Daughter. Here are a few questions/groups of questions to get the discussion going. I'm looking forward to hearing from you!
1. When David gives Phoebe to Caroline and tells Norah that she (the baby) has died, what was your immediate reaction? Did you/did you not understand David’s motivation? Did your perspective and understanding of David change as the plot progressed?
2. Caroline could have refused to take Phoebe to the institution or could have turned David over to the authorities. Why doesn’t she do either? Was she right in raising Phoebe on her own? Was Caroline morally obligated to tell Norah the truth from the beginning?
3. How was the quality of life different for Phoebe and Paul as each of them grew up?
4. What do you think Norah’s reaction would have been if David had been honest with her from the beginning? How might each of their lives been different?
5. Why do you think David had such a good relationship with Rosemary? What is it about her that enables David to talk with her?
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6 comments:
Thanks, Michelle, for choosing such a thought-provoking book. It was so well written...I found myself feeling the same feelings as the characters (guilt, mostly) and was kind of relieved to finish reading it so I could go back to feeling my OWN feelings in my REAL life. Am I weird or what!
I'd like to comment on questions #3 and #4 (in tandem), because this is something I've thought a lot about since reading this book. I think we are all a little like David in that we want to spare others pain, when we can: We want to catch our fledging walker so they never fall and get hurt; we want to fix every squabble on the playground or classroom so our children never feel left out or broken-hearted. I think David really did think he was sparing Norah pain and making a wise, compassionate decision by ridding her of the difficulty of raising a disabled daughter and the heartache of (most likely) losing her at a young age. But, in reality, he did her the biggest disservice of her life.
Phoebe and Paul had very different upbringings, mostly because their mother's were so different. Norah was struggling to feel fulfilled and compensating for a hole she felt in her life in all the wrong ways, while Caroline was completely submerged in the busy-ness and uphill battle of raising a special-needs daughter.
Had Norah been given the opportunity to raise Pheobe, I don't think she would have suffered in the same ways. Sure, she would have had the heartaches of watching her developmentally delayed baby struggle to learn basic skills, the battle of getting her an education, and the constant wonder of what "might have been" had she not had Downs Syndrome. Yet, I think she would have found fulfillment in her ability to rise to the occasion, embrace the challenge, and be the kind of mother she needed to be. I'm not trying to excuse her behavior, because I think her new set of challenges were just that...a new set, and she needed to deal with those, as well. But, often it is easier to handle situations that cannot be helped simply because we just HAVE to.
Paul may have had an entirely different attitude about life had he been allowed to share his parents with a sibling and taken on the role of protective brother.
David certainly would have had completely different concerns filling up his mind, rather than the guilt that plagued him constantly and influenced every decision he ever made.
In my own life I've come to realize that we can always become BETTER because of the struggles we go through. The heartaches, pain and sorrow that are a part of life are the things that shape our character, build empathy, and make us who we are.
The biggest example in my own life is that of the birth of my oldest, Dallin. As a newborn he struggled for life and we were not sure what kind of life he would have. One conclusion we came to during that time was the we DID want him as our son, disabilities or not. Although it was a traumatic beginning to motherhood, I wouldn't take away the growth I experienced through that ordeal for anything. I am a better mother, friend, and daughter of God because of the lessons I learned sitting next to a sick baby's crib in the NICU.
I'm never as good as Adri at relating the things I read to my OWN life. But, I did really enjoy this book. I read most of it on our family vacation to Bear Lake. The sound of waves in the distance added a little to the beach scenes! :)
1 – My immediate reaction to David giving Phoebe away and lying about it was shock and sadness. However, factoring in the fatigue, fear and immense stress he was dealing with having just delivered his own children in an empty clinic during a snowstorm, it is almost believable. I assumed it was a horrible decision that he would very soon regret. When Caroline decided not to follow his directions, I really hoped she would call David back and he would change his mind. But, that was before learning of his childhood experiences with an ill sibling. He thought he was doing the best for his family. When he realized his mistake, he believed it was too late to make it right.
2 – I think Caroline had a good heart. She tried to have Phoebe’s best interest in mind. However, I think she also had an overpowering desire to have someone to take care of, to give her life purpose.
3- The difference in Paul and Phoebe’s childhood is interesting. Paul, raised with two parents and plenty of money, didn’t feel as much love and acceptance from his parents as Phoebe, whose mother tried to enable her to achieve the full potential of her existence.
4- I’d like to think that Norah could have handled her life just fine had David let her keep both babies. But, seeing the way she reacted to stressors in her life, it may have put her over the edge to deal with a mentally retarded daughter. I’m sure she would have liked the chance, though.
5-I never quite figured out the David/Rosemary relationship. I thought it was strange. Was he just trying to make up for his bad decisions? Displacing his love and repentance on a complete stranger?
Great choice! Thanks!
I struggle at getting my comments published! This is a test, this is only a test!
Aha! It worked. I loved this book and, like Kami, read it on our Bear Lake vacation. I think that it was trouble from the start that David gave up his handicapped daughter. I do feel that he did it out of consideration for his wife, but the pain of deceit is much worse than the pain of other of life's challenges. I think the reason that Caroline kept Phoebe is more than just a need to love and care for someone. I truly believe that she loved David and keeping his baby fed her fantasy a little in the beginning. I also believe, that like most nurses, she couldn't imagine to let anyone suffer and so she gave Phoebe the best chance of growing up happy by keeping her. Her hidden love for Dr. David kept her from turning him in to authorities or telling Norah the truth. Money does not buy happiness. Love and communication do. I think that the secrets kept in the family were the main reason they couldn't find happiness. David turned to a total stranger, not only because she was sort of a surrogate daughter, but because she was a good listener, far enough removed from his life and his story that he could finally unload all of his life of pent up emotions. I am amazed at how people basically are survivors, though, and that even with all the trouble in their lives, people seem to mend and go on, reinventing their stories. I loved reading the descriptions of Phoebe because I love these special needs individuals among us. They are guileless and priceless. I feel bad that Norah didn't have the opportunity to raise her precious daughter and I think in the raising of her, the whole family would have been blessed. Thanks for selecting this book Michelle and thanks for carrying on the blog Ade. Happy reading! Fay
I'm sorry-I thought I had already commented. I had a hard time with this book. I was so frustrated that they wouldn't just communicate the truth to each other...that bothered me. I felt like they had several chances but I wanted a different happy ending. After being frustrated by the whole book, peace came for me in the end and I'm not sure who said it or thought it. But something along the lines of the whole time the father was trying to capture and freeze moments but instead we need to enjoy each day as it comes.
I think that he had good intentions from the beginning and the more you find out about his childhood the more you understand. However, from the beginning I didn't understand why he didn't tell her anything at all about the baby girl (I guess it woundn't have made a very good book ;). I do think that he had ample opportunities to tell her and it could have made a difference in thier lives-maybe, maybe not. My sister-in-law gave birth to a Down Syndrom baby about 2 years ago and it was interesting to see her reaction (she didn't know he was DS until he was born). Because of it I read a few books and talked to as many people as I could to try and understand what she was going through. Every one that I talked to and every thing I read said that when the child is first born or when you first find out the mourning phase is like that of the loss of a child, followed by rejections and a lot of other feelings one can only imagine. So, I wonder how she would have reacted had she been given the opportunity to raise Phoebe. Part of me thinks that things could have started out similar to what they did but hopefully gotten better.
I think his relationship with Rosemary in some way made him feel compensated or like in his own mind he was making up for the poor decisions of his past. It gave him an opportunity to start over. It also was a safe outlet for him. Someone to talk to. Someone safe to share things with outside of his "real life" that maybe wouldn't judge him but just listen.
Anyway-at first I had a hard time with all the guilt and the stress that, like Adri, I couldn't rid myself of until the book ended. But, I thought it had a lot of good lessons.
Hope this makes sense-things are a little crazy around here.
Thanks!!
JEN
I was just rereading my comments. One thing that I didn't make clear in the beginning. I thought it would be better not to tell her about a baby girl even being born then to tell her that she died.
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