A Woman of Independant Means- Discussion

Umm- so I was supposed to do this like a week ago- sorry. I kind of forget that this was the last week of the month. I hope you liked the selection. I found some discussion questions a really liked so I decided to respond to them and hope fully you will as well. What did you all think?


1. Consider the epistolary format of this book. What do Bess's letters reveal that a first person narrative would not? How do the style, tone, and subject matter of her letters change as Bess matures and grows older? I thought her tone related volumes about how she really felt about the people with whom she corresponds. I loved that she seemed to really strive to put the best face on everything, always focusing on solutions not the problem. At times I felt a little sorry for those the she so politely manipulated.
Once she reaches her middle age, Bess begins to muse on the process and consequences of developing relationships through written correspondence, an example being when she writes to her son Andrew, "I have always had enormous respect for the written word and invariably find a letter more revealing than a face-to-face conversation. In a strange way I suspect I will get to know you better at a distance than I would if you had stayed at home" (169) How do you think a written correspondence can be a greater spur to intimacy than "a face-to-face conversation"?
I got to thinking about this- I think I know some of my closest friends better because I read their blogs. There are things I write about that I don't know would ever come up in conversation. Is this the modern version of the same thing?
Bess seems an extraordinary woman for her time in many ways: her open-mindedness toward people of other social classes, creeds, and races; her eager acceptance of technological and social progress; her interest in and savvy regarding business affairs; and her unstinting assertion of herself as the equal of the men around her. As admirable as these qualities seem to us, is there ever any indication that Bess's acquaintances and associates are shocked or threatened by her attitudes? Who do you think tries to discourage her ideals, and to what end? Are there instances where you as a reader feel Bess has gone too far in her unconventionality?
I don't know if she ever goes too far in terms of convention and it does seem that some of her extended family is a little bothered by her choices but I think she is one of those people who is so confident in herself that you don't dare doubt them.
Bess's marriage to her first husband, Rob, seems to have been undeniably a union of love, whereas, in comparison, her later marriage to Sam appears to have been one more of convenience and even coercion. How do the tone, subject matter, and style of address to each of her husbands affirm or refute this analysis? How do the benefits and drawbacks of Bess's marriage to Rob compare to those of her marriage to Sam?
What stood out the most to me as a difference between the two relationships was just the level of respect she afforded her first husband, she often seemed to almost talk down to Sam and to simply not treat him as an important part of her life and decisions. They were more like comfortable friends.
We are witness to Bess's tragic losses of loved ones—her parents, her elderly cousin Josie, and, as she ages, her friends, as well as the untimely deaths of her husband and eldest child. How do Bess's reflections and feelings about death change over time? I think the deaths that occurred earlier in her life were much more tragic and so I don't know if it 's fair comparison. By the end of her life she was almost blase about the whole thing.
When her son Andrew and her daughter Eleanor leave home and grow autonomous, we observe Bess attempting to modify her maternal relationship with her children, tempering it with a sense of friendship. To what extent is this attempt successful? In what ways does Bess retain her role of mother and in what ways does she assert herself as a friend to her children? How does the advice and encouragement she offers Andrew differ from that offered to Eleanor? Does Bess have similar expectations of each of her children?
Bess's lifestyle is neither typical nor modest, and we see many examples of how Bess's wealth makes her life more comfortable and easier to manage. We can easily imagine how the outward circumstances of Bess's life would differ if she were in another social class, but how would her character and her personal philosophy be different? She had a sense of entitlement from the time she was young and I think it colored every decision she ever made but I think she also had a courage and a grace that were innate.
There are many marriages to scrutinize in this book, all rendered with varying degrees of detail and depth: Bess's parents, her father and Mavis, Totsie and Dwight, Totsie and Arthur, Lydia and Manning, Anna and Hans, Mr. Prince and his wife, not to mention Bess's two marriages and those of her children and grandchildren. Is there a single, abiding message about marriage in this book, or does each marriage contain its own message, emphasizing the varieties of romantic and marital experience? Is there one romantic relationship that seems to be particularly poignant or familiar to you? Do any seem idealized or unrealistic? I loved Totsie and Arthurs story but they were very different. It underlined the idea that the two people in a relationship set their own rules for what works for them.
Originally Hailey wanted to write a novel called Letters From a Runaway Wife. Does Bess fit your image of a "runaway wife"? Is she at any time errant in her responsibilities to her husbands and the other people in her life? What is the impulse behind her many travels? I think she just wanted to see the world and I think it was also a way to assert her independence after that first trip without her husband.
In Bess's disjunctive last letter, written to her granddaughter Betsy on June 19, 1968, Bess states, "Must call Sam so he to bed. Then I can sail. Dining with Captain tonight." Do you think this is the work of a fragmented memory, recalling its many voyages and the instance of dining with the Captain, or is this a metaphor for her final voyage? How does this last letter offer a resolution to the life of Bess Steed Garner, and how does it anticipate a forthcoming life of the spirit, as Bess's desired epitaph—"To be continued"—promises? I wanted it to be a metaphor, that she felt the greatest journey coming.